Saturday, January 16, 2010

It's Sad But It Doesn't Have To Be

I played my acoustic guitar in the total darkness. A beautiful rhythm of plucking and strumming put together in a manner that would put Jeff Buckley to shame. A single beam of light shines down on me, alone on the stage, and as the song comes to an end, I hear the crowd cheer. They cheer and cheer, and cheer even more. The applause, the voices and the whistles blended together into a sound that I recognized. A familiar noise that made my stomach drop and my eyes flutter open.

'I knew it.' I mumbled to myself. The noise was my phone emitting an annoying chirping sound - tricking me into thinking it was a crowd of pleased fans, as I dreamed a dream that was not even in my range of interest. I didn't know how to play guitar. I didn't want to be a musician in particular. Hell, I can't even do so much as walk by the stage without getting a case of sweaty pits and shivering knees.

'Get up,' I told myself. 'Get up! You're gonna miss classes.'

It was the first day of my second semester and I wasn't planning on letting my ever so dominant procrastination skills ruin everything at the very beginning. I made a great effort to rise from my bed (Probably more effort than I give in a week) and switched my phone alarm off. It was an annoying chirp, but it does the job.

'Sigh,' I looked at myself in the mirror 'forget proper sleeping time, let's put aside physical health and make my family proud.'

As best as I could, I shuffled my way to grooming my self while trying to keep up with the tick-tock of the clock.

'8:30,' said the clock. 'Crap.' I should have been in class already.

Anywho, I did much better compared to what it could have been. If I know myself well (which I do), this was actually within the category of "Good Job." Last minute touch ups, don't forget anything, remember everything, and keep it that way.

Classes went by as slowly as molasses, but at the end of the day it felt as though it happened in a flash. I got home from school and did everything as usual.

'Hey how was classes?'
'What did you do?'

I liked one word responses. Rude as they may be, they're simple, elegant, and they get the message across without sugar coating it in a pile of fake enthusiasm. I don't mean to be lazy, it's just that I have those moments that I don't realize that I'm being lazy. Perhaps I'm too lazy to even notice.

'Four more days, and I get the weekend off.' I told myself in the little space I have left in my generally confused mind.

'Tuesday,' Done.
'Wednesday,' Check
'Thursday,' Over with.
'Friday' Awful realization comes to mind.

I had assignments, papers due, group work - you name it, it's there. There was no weekend. I was either in this all the way or out of it. Turns out, it's all in or nothing - actually, it was all in. There was no other option, none without drastic consequences, at least.

After being acquainted with all my classes, I was quickly bombarded with all the school work that had to be done. On the first week. The FIRST. I could only imagine what the next few months (next few LONG months, mind you) would be like. I reassured myself that the first week was always the worst.

'You can do this,' my more determined side told me.
'It's all you,' it kept on going.
'You can beat this,' dude, I sure as hell will try.
'I believe in you!' well, that's nice to know.
'Then let's do it.'

'Then do it, we shall.' *High fives himself*

College is a hassle. Then again, life is a hassle. I'm already doing it so why not enjoy it as best as I can (and try to be happy about it).

"You must believe in yourself when no one else does."

No comments:

Post a Comment