Malaise with Malays

I'll admit it, I do have a self control problem. Most of the time, I'm avoiding things that I should do on purpose - even when I know what the consequences are.

Back in the Philippines, I was generally a very happy-go-lucky kind of guy who didn't care about priorities or financial budgeting. I did what I wanted, knowing that other people were doing that kind of stuff for me. Now that I'm in college (let alone, another country) I've come to realize that taking care of yourself means more than just eating right and getting proper exercise. Everything I need to do is now under my responsibility. I used to let my laundry pile up, now I take care of it after the first 3-4 items. I used to throw my stuff on the floor after use, now I just make sure to put everything where it should be before my bed turns into a jungle. Learning to live by myself is really enlightening. Not only am I studying at college, I'm also gaining experience that I can apply to my life right here and now.

Learning while learning to live. It's a pain, but I like it in many ways. I'm a bit of a glutton for troubles - I believe so because trouble seems to favor me. It's not the trouble that I find appealing, its the challenge of overcoming it. I do believe that a bit of suffering hardens you, keeps you strong, keeps you fighting - keeps you willing. Yes, it is tiring. Yes, it is brutal - but it is satisfying once accomplished. For me, happiness is overcoming your worries so I keep that in mind and use it as fuel to drive me.

What I find comforting is the fact that everyone at the hostel where I live is going through the same discomforts as me. I guess I must be doing something right - I'm still alive, after all. Seeing that I'm doing just as badly as everyone else gives me a sense of security - it tells me that things CAN get better if choose to make it better. Living with people who know how to procrastinate as much as I do isn't really a productive environment but we all know that when you gotta do it, you gotta do it. I'm not saying they're bad influences, they're nice guys who are just trying to make it through college life - like everyone else. They're a lot of help too. I've learned so much from them and I'm thankful that I got to know them. I try to get all the help that I can - you don't need to make life hard because life is hard enough on it's own.

Life will kill you if you don't live.

It's a real treat when you find your capabilities and figure out how to stretch them to places much further. When I discovered my limits, it was very liberating - strange, huh?

What I enjoy the most is lying on my bed at the end of the day, thinking 'Wow, I didn't know I could do that much...'